even on my worst, i've always had good people who wouldn't give up on me. i don't know how they all managed to stick around, no matter how distant i make myself to be.
i don't talk to my friends anymore. i got reasons, none good, but reasons just the same.
i'm not comfortable with their how-are-you's. there was only one time in the past 3 months that i did spoke to one of them. and i only spoke to him because he posted an angry statement in his face book. i knew he needed a friend. i can be a good listener. after that, i was gone.
at the end of the day i don't want to explain who called me and what the conversation was about. it's way easier to live in my own world where i can honestly answer any question with a 'nothing' or a 'no one'.
i do talk once in a while. when i am comfortable. comfortable that i won't be judged from whatever i say. or when i am not forced to say everything all at once. or when i know that the other person will only listen and not mentally take down notes of follow up questions and will shoot them all away the moment i seem to finish a speech.
i talk.
when i am ready.
no wonder i had always enjoyed blogs.
i can pause.
i can stop.
i can leave.
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